It’s been awhile, hasn’t it? I guess I’ve just been really busy. Sometimes it gets hard to keep up on what I enjoy doing compared to what I have to do. With Junior year almost over, the teachers are kicking it into high gear as the Seniors are on their way out. Also they are now realizing that we are way behind schedule and haven’t learned anything the last 7 months (as it goes every year).
On the subject of school (what else do I talk about?), I recently got a 112 out of 296 on a Standard Level Math (trigonometry, specifically) test and now I am getting a tutor to try and help with that. I’m not the only one that did really bad on that test, but I’d rather do better. It’s funny that I now have a D in math when I got a 29 on my ACT, but I’m over it at this point. I’m just worried about the stigma of getting a tutor and how that will affect me mentally.
Truthfully, I don’t really care about a lot anymore. Sure, I may act like I still have interests, but this IB program is KILLING me and it doesn’t even have very good benefits in the long run. I have stopped having interests because I have no time. An example is this blog, I haven’t been on it as often as I would like due to the constant projects that I have to write or present. I am actually excited for the lock-in my school is hosting on Saturday to work on our Extended Essays. That way I can interact with my friends without falling behind in my work.
Maybe I should get a therapist. I cry due to stress at least once a week lately and I have a severe lack of my usual bubbly personality. I’ve started to fake being the “Normal Me” to keep my friends and family happy because they rely on me always being interactive, in a sense. If I’m not happy, things start cracking and people start fighting. That puts too much pressure on a 17 year old girl just trying to figure out what is going on. I made this blog to help alleviate the stress and pressure of my surroundings and all of the people that want me to be there for them, but it has kind of been taken away from me due to my responsibilities. I want to ventilate and finally breathe so I can feel like myself again. I don’t know how to make that happen.