My life has been a little crazy lately and I haven’t been feeling as up to writing as I should. I really need to write out a schedule for my blog posts to keep me on track rather than willy-nilly writing whenever I want because that is for children and I am (almost) an adult. My birthday is in October and I’ll be 18 then, having to start making decisions about what I want to do for the rest of my life when 40 hours of the week I have to ask to go to the bathroom still. This whole “growing up thing is totally crazy. I don’t know how you grown ups did it. If I could, I would just lie in bed on Tumblr all day and listen to music. A girl can dream…and wish she was Ariel (get it??)
Anyways, what has been going on in my life recently? A whole lotta shit, that’s what. Let’s start at the very beginning (a very good place to start) with Memorial Day weekend. I went on a motorcycle run with my Dad and I was expecting it to be a lot of bonding and stuff for us since we don’t really do that, him being a stoic and closed off dad and me being a teenage girl who has gone through puberty. We rode on a motorcycle for about 2 1/2 hours into Fossil, Oregon which is kind of in the center of the state. Friday was really boring because we all just kinda stood around a fire rather than the legal drinkers breaking out their dice and cards to play drinking games (I participate legally with soda). After I went to bed though, they did start drinking and playing games. Guess its a buzzkill to bring your underage daughter to a motorcycle rally with a bunch of drinkers. Shoulda thought that out beforehand. On Saturday, my stepmom drove up and we hung out all day watching the bike games where people compete in games to get trophies (I won two the first year I went to a run). That evening, before the real shenanigans began, my stepmom got utterly smashed playing thirteen aces (a dice game) with a couple 21 year-olds. Due to her drunken state I kinda got pushed aside and sent back to camp. At this point, my depression and anxiety kicked in saying that I wan’t wanted there and that they don’t need me. So I went to my tent and cried myself to sleep discreetly. My dad never checked on me. Sunday I stayed in my tent studying for my SATs until the afternoon where I finally emerged to get a water bottle then got back in my tent for the rest of the day. Sunday was not a good day for me. Monday we packed up and left, only the ride this time took FIVE HOURS because of traffic and car crashes. I have decided never to go on a run again. I always get that feeling like I shouldn’t be there because my dad only hangs out with my stepmom and all the other adults are awkward around me because I can’t drink, smoke, or do drugs like they do. It is a really shitty feeling. To be honest I went for the experience of riding a motorcycle through Oregon with the hope that my dad would finally pay a little attention to me.
The SATs went pretty well I think. It scares me that I wasn’t at all nervous for them even though I didn’t study very much. I hope I get a good score, though it doesn’t really matter since I got a 29 on my ACTs (shameless bragging).
I have a 1200-1600 word essay due tomorrow (partly why I am posting right now). I don’t like writing essays. They are so constricting and judge you on your way of thought. I like the freedom of having a blog because I can write whatever I want and not care what other people think of it or even if people see it. My blog makes me happy and I’m so much calmer and stable after writing every time.
It’s Finals Week and that is always the worst because I have to pretend like I’ll miss these people or promise that we will meet up over the summer when i know we won’t. Also comprehensive tests suck. They are absolutely the worst because I always feel judged, which I guess is kind of the point. I just don’t like it, the stress me out and give me anxiety.
Anyways, next time you hear from me (or read from me) I’ll be a Senior. Wish me luck!!