Kick-Off to Summer with Winter Emotions

Hi there!

So today was my last day of Junior year!  Woohoo!  Now I don’t have to deal with staying up until 2am doing homework and instead I can do it because I am binge watching shows on Netflix!

Since I am now a Senior, I have to start working on my Creativity, Action, and Service project (I think I’m gonna design and make flower beds so I can have a garden in my backyard), I have to write and edit my Extended Essay (4,000 words! Yay!), and I have some summer homework in Biology, Theory of Knowledge, and Math.  Though that seems like a lot (at least to me) I have months to do it and still be able to relax.  I think this next school year is gonna be great!  I haven’t been at the top of the school food chain since 5th grade since my school is a middle school and a high school.  I’m gonna be the top dawg that all the middle schoolers look up to!  I promise I won’t yell “BOW DOWN TO ME!” at them, but I can’t promise that the rest of my class won’t.

As it is the last day of school, I treated myself to a birthday party for one of my friends where we went and played laser tag for an hour.  That just made me realize how much I dislike (most of) my friends.  I wish that girls weren’t as catty as they are.  Can’t I go back to second grade when all of my friends were still boys before I met girls?  Like there are these two guys that are really frickin’ cool who play the same kinda video games that I do and all I wanna do is ditch these backstabbing drama queens for a round of Mortal Kombat or Smash Bros.  This isn’t to say that there aren’t cool girls out there, in fact I would LOVE for there to be more girls like that at my school to replace the shitty ones (I’m working on befriending one of them right now, wish me luck!), but those chicks are few and far between.  There are guys out there like this too, hell those guys were my best friends for a while in Freshman year.  Anyways, I am getting WAY too invested in this and need to back off.  NEW TOPIC!

I’m going to my dad’s this weekend where I’m sure he and my stepmom are gonna freak out about how they have such little time left with me before I go off to college.  I understand that they are gonna miss me, but I also understand that I feel like shit when I go over there and most definitely will be visiting my mom more after I go off to college.  Like, I don’t want to be there if I feel like you don’t care about me half the time.  I’m sure my dad doesn’t feel like he makes me feel that way and that is (kinda) no fault of his own, but I don’t want to be there more than I have to.  I don’t want to hurt feelings by speaking up or stopping visiting them all together, so I stay quiet and let myself feel the hurt feelings.  I know, I know, that’s not healthy for me or anything, but I have a very heightened sense of empathy that often triggers my anxiety.  Basically, if I say something to someone about how they are hurting me and they feel hurt because of that, it makes me feel so much worse than if I just kept my mouth shut in the first place.  Woo! Feelings! Emotions!

I would also like to say that I realized exactly how awkward I was when signing yearbooks this year.  I wrote HAGS (Have A Great Summer) in every one and in at least half I wrote “Stay classy, my friend”, “You is p cool/kewl mayne”, the word swagalicious, or some combination of the three.  I am so weird around people it hurts.

Now to contemplate what I will do with my summer.  Tumblr?  Probably Tumblr.

-Ali

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