My Love Life and It’s Lack of Existence

Howdy!

So let’s start at the very beginning (a very good place to start). My only successful romantic relationship was when I was seven. His name was Leroy and our moms were best friends. He was nine. He taught me how to dance and how to kiss. Of course that was 10 years ago, but it lasted a while. My mom told me one day that we couldn’t be together anymore and so I broke up with him. It was easy and simple. We still talk to this day, but not as often as we used to.

Then there was Will who was my best friend for a long time until he asked me to be his girlfriend in first grade. We were together for a while until a new girl transferred in and he broke up with me. I was devastated because he was like my first real crush and he threw me aside for a girl that ate cat food for lunch. When they broke up, he started to date her best friend. Finally he left my elementary school and I made new friends.

Skipping ahead a bit, at the end of fifth grade I had the hugest crush on a boy named Dave. He was my best friend, Penny’s, neighbor so I asked her to give him a letter in which I told him how much I liked him and hoped he liked me too. I later realized this is probably the worst mistake I have ever made in my life because he never had even a remote interest in me and my letter was very doting. It is humiliating to this day. The heat of shame rises to my face whenever Penny brings it up.

Then in sixth grade I met a boy named Craig who was an absolute ass. I didn’t realize his douche-ness at the time, instead I thought he was so nice and into me. So I asked him out and he said yes. I then proceeded not to talk to him for the three days we were “dating”. He broke up with me saying he wasn’t ready for a relationship. Jump ahead to May of seventh grade where my friend Erma told me that Craig said I was the worst mistake he ever made. I was angry and hurt. I then took it out on him by pointing out his bullying of my friend Edward and making him pay for being an asshole.

In eighth grade I met a boy named Harry and we became best friends. We texted every day and he was so sweet and flirty. Over the course of a year and a half, I asked him to dances and on dates multiple times. Every time he turned me down, but I was still delusional and thought he was just shy. Finally I realized he had no interest me and I just stopped talking to him to get over him.

It also helped that I made a new friend, Franklin. We met on the bus freshman year and became besties. I’m still his best friend to this day. I started to like him because he would treat me differently than every other girl he talked to. He was flirtatious and would always stand by my side, literally and figuratively. So it made sense that I thought he was into me. I told him one night and that same night he told me he had started dating Lauren. I was crushed and he stopped talking to me. I thought our friendship was over. Then they broke up and we became friends again. Last year, I got over him and I haven’t liked anyone since.

Recently I’ve been talking a to a guy who is 24. His name is Jason. He is really nice to me and shamelessly flirts with me. It kinda makes me uncomfortable, but I also am kinda into it. He is my stepmom’s half brother so it’s a little weird. It probably won’t pan out at all, but it’s nice to have a feeling of the possibility and someone take interest in me.

I’m kind of an awkward person plus I’m a heavy girl, so high school isn’t exactly the place for me to find a lasting relationship, it would just feel nice. Just gotta remember that I am more than my relationship status until I find my place.

-Ali

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