Hello and welcome!
Today is Thanksgiving, a day where we are supposed to appreciate all that we are given in life. Instead of this gracious warmth that we are supposed to enjoy, I am sitting in the corner of a house full of people that I don’t know.
My grandma died in June of last year and she always hosted Thanksgiving and Christmas when I was at my dad’s. So the last two years my cousin has hosted at her house. With her whole baby daddy’s family. So now my brother Tobias and I are sitting in the corner all awkward surrounded by a bunch of sketchy people that are all drunk, high, or both that my dad and paternal stepfamily know, but we don’t.
I just feel left out and that’s a really shitty thing to feel on a day that has always meant being around family for me. I’m compensating by writing my college essays and updating my blog to try and vent my sadness. Happy Thanksgiving.
Greetings, fellow traveler!
Welp. My week has been shitty. Starting with my birthday where my mom said that she didn’t want to actively pursue relationships with her family anymore and kinda pushed everyone out and away after my party. Then later that night, Jason spilled the beans that my dad and stepmom, Lisa, were thinking about getting divorced while I could here my mom and stepdad, Gerald, having a screaming match over who knows what downstairs.
The next day I stayed up until 6 in the morning working on my Extended Essay which I need to pass in order to graduate. Then I spent the week in a slump because I was overtired and stressing over my parents romantic lives. I don’t think I or they could survive divorces again. On top of that I was freaking out about college applications and scholarships and money because I definitely need some if I plan to continue my education. Though my mom says not to worry about money, I definitely do because I know she didn’t ask for two kids that need to live and need to have things in order to survive. It is super stressful and I know I just keep adding to it and making it worse on her.
Today, I had to turn in a form for ordering stuff for my graduation. I was still stressed and tired and freaking out over all of the relationships in my life failing. There was a long ass line of other Seniors behind me wanting to turn in their forms. I was hella confused about what was in the form. The guy asked a question and all I heard was “It’ll cost more money.” So I said no and went with the less expensive one without asking anymore questions. Now my mom is super pissed at me because she had a bad day and I did a stupid thing by not telling her that I changed the form because I wasn’t prepared to think that what I kinda wanted cost more than what she had planned. I made a stupid decision that ruined her night and now I am sitting at the dinner table alone while my mom sits in the living room and reads, trying to cry quietly so I don’t fuck up her night more.
How was your week?