Life Gets Hectic


So it turns out that I am too wide for my original dress that I got as the distributor sent us the wrong size in the first place (whole other heart-breaking, self-esteem-crushing, world of sucky).  Instead, I ordered a shorter version of the same dress in the right size and feel fabulous in it. Boo-yah!

Now, all I have to worry about is all of my friends being upset that they weren’t invited.  So I have to explain that it is a family event and that they aren’t exactly my family.  That was fun.  Then I am worrying about my brother as he has no idea nor the want to figure out what he wants to do with his life.  He is only a Freshman, but he just doesn’t care where his life goes and that is freaking me out.  I don’t want him to turn out like our uncles who are 29 and 31 and are still chilling a like they are teenagers!  I want the best for him and it stressing me out beyond belief.  He is my little brother.  I care about him and stuff.

Then one of my best friends is back with his ex-girlfriend.  They didn’t work out in the first place and that was only a few months ago.  And he acts like he is embarrassed of their relationship, which shows that they are not off to a good start.  He also forgets about everyone and everything when he is dating her.  He won’t talk to any of his friends at school, including me, and that is not healthy.  I just want what’s best for him.

And then there is my father.  As my parents are divorced, I go over to my dad’s house every other weekend so we can “spend time” together.  I say “spend time” because he usually ignores me.  I could understand that if he didn’t spend all of his time playing video games and talking to his new wife, her sister, and his two stepsons.  It’s like my brother and I don’t exist.  I have a heavy course load thanks to the full IB program at my school and I get no work done at his house due to the sheer amount of stuff going on around me.  There are 8-9 people, 2 dogs, 3 lizards, and a cat when I go.  I could better use my time if I was permanently at my mom’s house, but then I would be shutting down my relationship with my father (which is almost nonexistent already).  I don’t know what to do.

As I said before, my course load is heavy too.  Right now, I have to start a 1,000 word essay, practice piano, study for 3 tests, practice math, fill out a form about college visits, start researching for colleges, research the Baroque period of music, finish my mom’s wedding playlist, and freak out about all of the above.

As the title says, life gets hectic.  Sometimes it sucks.  But it does get better.




Body Image Rant

Today I got my dress for my mom’s wedding.  I’m a little scared.  I am 5’3″ and 190 lbs.  Just from that, I’m sure you can tell that being a teenage girl in this age of media doesn’t help my body image or my self esteem.  I knew that when I got the dress, it probably wasn’t going to fit properly.  I thought that it would be hard to breathe but I would still look really pretty in it.


As I was shimmying into the dress, my heart began to beat faster and faster with the suspense of seeing myself in the dress.  I got the straps over my shoulders and reached around to zip it up.  It wouldn’t zip.  Like at all.

So naturally, I started crying on the floor in my room because I fell into hysterics about how I could never fit into the dress and I couldn’t be in my mom’s wedding anymore.

This is the problem with people today.  We are all so insecure about ourselves and so criticizing of others.  It needs to stop.  I know that I personally would benefit from the media not pushing the fact that in order to be average in this world, you have to be skinny.  In reality, a lot of people are overweight.  It makes us feel inadequate, but we also judge other people so they feel it to.  As the saying goes, misery loves company.  We all bring each other down until everyone is at a place where they feel alone and unloved.  This is not true. And if you think or know you are, you aren’t alone.  Ever.  There are plenty of people around the world who are feeling just as alone as you are.  Try to remember that when you get down.  There are 7.6 BILLION people in the world, one of them is bound to feel like you.

That is at least what I try to remember whenever I feel unwanted or fat.  So I’ve made a promise to myself to fit in this damn dress.  I got two months, I think I can do it.  And that is all I need.